4 years in.

It seems like I start a lot of these with the word Wow, 4 years since my divorce and it may be going on 5, I’ve lost track. How has it gone as a single parent, daddy? I think divorce with children makes us a better parent. I might always defer to my wife. I didn’t know the names of the teachers in the school, I didn’t know any of the parents, until I had to do it. Our society is so conditioned that the man is the breadwinner as he heads off to work every morning, probably before the kids wake up. He doesn’t know what goes on in a morning getting the kids up, bathed, breakfast, clothed, hair and teeth brushed. Something most of us guys have taken for granted, it’s sad that we expect the mother to take care of these duties. It takes divorce in our society for dads to really become involved. I’m glad I’m a better parent, I think I have a unique relationship with my child that I might never have had, had we stayed married. You learn things about divorce, how important having that partner is when you need a break, when you can pass off those duties, that is the tough part of single parenting. When your child is crying uncontrollably do you think about holding them or giving them a hug? Little things that mom may have done and now dad must try to be a better dad than his dad was. I like parenting. I let my child crawl all over me, I will always be the Jungle Jim. Dating has been slow, a few dates but nothing really serious. Not sure I want to add marriage back into the equation. Already a non-Traditional family, not sure I want to add to the mix. I will write an entire chapter on my thoughts on that. We’ll talk.

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2 Responses to 4 years in.

  1. Sarah says:

    Not long ago, the power in a marriage was all on the man’s side. But this was true for all of society. Women could not vote, own property, or expect to climb the corporate ladder beyond the receptionist’s desk. And while women have strived to improve these inequities, there is still imbalance in many homes. It still makes from page news when a woman becomes a chief of police or runs for president. We still snicker when we hear the words “male-nurse” and “stay-at-home-dad.” Maybe the high rate of divorce is the causulty of this awkward growing/evolving stage of neuralizing gender roles. But, it’s still an important transition. No one should accept a role that puts them under someone else’s thumb.
    At different ages, both of my boys asked to have dolls. I gladly gave them dolls. Even the one that poops. Because girls aren’t the only ones that grow up to be parents. Boys grow up to be dads. At least they should. A lot have boys have grown up to be dead beat dads. And that’s a real shame. I used my boys’ interest in the dolls to show them that it’s actually fantastic for a dad to take care of a baby. They kept those dolls for years, dragging them out on occasion to change their clothes, carry them around, feed them, put them down for naps. If you think this makes my boys “sissies”, rest assured that they have also pretended to shoot and impale each other just as often. They still have imaginary 25 car pile-ups with their hotwheels. They also have dinosaur versus robot battles, complete with seeminly endless roaring and explosion sound affects.
    It’s unfortunate that until divorce happens, kids witness mom doing all the “womens work” in the home, and that the kids fall under the umbrella of “women’s work”. And I wonder why some dads can’t be bothered with school activities that don’t involve a sport for them to scream at.

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